Bah Humbug !

Shub Naya Baras !!!!!!!

Merry Christmas to one and all ! Hope you all get what you want in your stockings........ and that 2008 brings a whole host of new challenges and opportunities. Don't let the grass grow under your feet !

Just wanted to post a quick bit of evidence to back up my claims regarding American appetites.....

You'll note the Dumbrell's plates are empty and the American in the shot, hacking at the turkey, has that crazed 'I'm going to eat it all' look in his eyes!

Love and Peace to All Mankind.

Conventional Wisdom from Goldman Sachs

November brings a permament festival air to Mumbai.

Ganpathi is closely followed by Diwali, closely followed by Thanksgiving, closely followed by pre-Christmas shopping season. In a country that boasts one of the fastest growing rates of consumption in the world - commerical events like Christmas make for a shopkeeper's cherry on an ever growing cup cake.

Conventional wisdom from Goldman Sachs states that India's economy will overtake France, Italy, Germany, UK, and Russia by 2025. In 2035, India is predicted to overtake Japan, and become the 3rd largest economy in the world behind the US and China. That's based on an average growth rate of 5.5% - India is currently growing at 9.4%!

The ante has already been upped in the verbal war with China - the fast growth competititor - with a 'Made in China' campaign here in Mumbai. Lots of negative press being built around the quality of product being delivered out of China, either manufacturing or services - either way Indians already see themselves in a head-to-head battle with China to make it big - catty business this world domination ..... http://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/3604.html

The staggering fact in India's case is that she grows at 9.4% despite having more holidays/festivals/knees-ups than any country I know - particularly China (Bhuddism is well known for its anti-Bank Holiday preachings - Richard Gere hasn't had a day off from being a human for over 6 years now).

Enough of India and its shopping malls, what of the Dumbrell's I hear you cry........ ............... ........... (tumbleweed) ................... ... well here it is anyway!.

For my part I have been most busy filling the coffers of the India Business Processing Outsourcing industry by continuing on with my day job oblivious to the earth shattering significance of this heinous activity. Little did I know that I was a foot soldier in the New World Order where Asia would take over all the economic power that the Middle East doesn't already have (Did you see in the news that a Dubai consortium brought 5% of CitiCorp?)

In between bouts of selling off the British Empire, I managed to get down to Goa with my family and some friends of ours. Soaked up the Goan sun on a beach called Morjim - very pleasant except for the fresh cow dung.





We also attended a Gujarti wedding for the first time this month. Events, from the bride and groom meeting each other for the first time as future man and wife, through to engagement ceremonies, family based shindigs, some religious bits in the middle before the finale. The moon was in the right place on Sunday night so off we went to Chembur, a swish suburb of Mumbai to witness the bit where the families meet each other for the first time.

Indian life is very family oriented so the 'big meet' had quite a lot of tension and trepidation around it. The picture below is of the bride and her female family members, in their glorious
coloured saris awaiting the arrival of the groom's male family members after his ride to the venue on a white horse. Once the two sides have sized each other up, the tape is cut, and lots of eating and general festive behaviour ensue. After that it all gets a bit religious. Bride and groom looked very pleased with themselves and are off to Kuala Lumpur on their honeymoon.

We have just joined a new club in Mumbai thanks to the generous nature of my employer. Waterstones is somewhat of a step up from our previous haunt. For those of you that know me well, you will understand that I feel like a 'pig in 'mud' ' using the gym full of Nautilus Nitro equipment. We have been there a month, and at most I have had to share the gym with one other person - that day, I felt like complaining about overcrowding.

Take a butcher's - http://www.waterstonesclub.com/


She-That-Must-Be-Obeyed has been mighty busy this month with Thanksgiving preparations taking centre stage. I rode on her coat tail one night and was invited (as her plus one) to the American Women's Association Thanksgiving dinner - a small homely affair for 350 of Mumbai's finest ex-patriate community. Spiffing speech about oil and its importance in American foreign policy from the US consul before the Yankee members of the audience preceded to show our Indian friends exactly what extraordinary consumption is all about - I have never seen 30 turkeys disappear so fast in my life! The French Canadian lady I was sitting next to, and I, spent a good couple of hours pulling Yankee chains about the threat of obesity amongst American kids. Karen, of course, kept me at arms length from the US consul and his wife lest I use words like 'imperialist', 'self-serving', or 'world domination' - I decided to let it go because my mate Hilary is the next US President and she will staighten things out. Also I wanted to finish my turkey!

Karen is overjoyed that we have splashed out on Tata Sky at home. It carries a bunch of new channels including the rather marvellous BBC Entertainment which is currently running 'light entertainment' classics such as Footballers Wives and, wait for it 'MIND YOUR LANGUAGE' !! If anyone remembers this late seventies show, you will understand my surprise at the BBCs ability to export it - it should have had a court injunction slapped on it in 1979, so in this politically correct age I am surprised it has not started anti-English riots in Mumbai - time yet I guess.

Conor is bathing in the glory of his Bollywood superstardom now that Goal! has been released to the cinemas here in Mumbai. We have yet to go see it due to the overwhelming demand for tickets and Sir Larry's fear of being left on the cutting room floor! We may have to wait for the DVD release so that we can cope with the stress in our own way in the privacy of our own home. Conor's quest for stardom continues at pace tomorrow night when he takes part in the carol concert to be held at the Grand Hyatt - I have alerted several Bollywood directors to the presence of Aled Jones' Mark II.

Carols have not been my thing since I was Conor's age. Stumbled across this lot in my recent meanderings around the interweb. I love the front man's voice and they are from Brighton which puts them in my good books.

Have a listen....

http://www.themaccabees.co.uk/

Very much looking forward to toasting a marshmallow with some of you in good ol' Blighty from December 23rd. Catch up with you all then.

Dumbers

"Hey Over Here Mr Beckham!"

Well, big Lazza Dallydraws may have thought that we played like a pub team but I thought we gave it a jolly good run in the end. The win over the Aussies was by far the highlight for me, and despite Lazza hardly getting on the pitch for the whole tournament ( I wonder if that had anything to do with his comments at all?) he did at least provide my everlasting memory of colonial domination - Aussies on their knees paying homage to the biggest and the best - priceless! Of course, the Aussies got their own back in the final by have their video ref denying a clear English try - sheep rustlers all of them!

Well done to the Saffers (Fiona - I count you as a token Saffer now) and well done to Jake White who will now come and run the England set-up for a bit. He has made it clear that he only wants the England job - the country that has made it to 3 out of 6 World Cup finals now. A shame in some ways because I thought bumbling old Uncle Brian could have got some good stuff out of our best players - big Lazza and Catty didnt think so though.

October must have been a busy month as I haven't got around to updating you all on the Dumbrell's movements. The missus wrote about Dubai so I won't bore you with that again - go have a read of http://www.kagsie.blogspot.com/. Skiiing in the middle of the desert was a bit weird though.

We all managed to get away to The Maldives this month and meet up with the Fieldsend troupe.
The highlight for me was the cricket match Alex and Jake started up in the staff area of the resort. Alex had brought along a ball from the UK and walked through the staff quarters - once the maintenance team caught sight of it, I would say that in less than 11 seconds, a full cricket pitch stumps and all had been set up and Alex was fending off beamers from a slightly manic looking Bangledeshi plumber. 15 minutes later Alex had tested the chasing skills of all 38 Bangledeshi maintenance men that had gathered to field at mid wicket and to gaze in wonder at the two mini Mathew Hoggard's.

The second highlight was watching Jon fall out of his kayak, tipping young Jake into the sea having been attacked by the Karen\Conor dreadnought. Safe to say the look on Jake's face when he realised it was his Dad's lack of agility that had put his life at risk was priceless. Luckily he was standing in the 3 feet of water in the lagoon around the island as he scowled with filial rage at the contrite kayak-wobbler.

Dolphin watching, scuba diving, snorkelling, massages, eating, drinking, and down right being merry took up the rest of our time, and as you can imagine took a lot out of us. Take a look at http://www.photobox.co.uk/album/6897712. We have booked a few days in Goa over Diwali to try and relax!

Just before we left for Medufushi, Conor took his next step on the road to super stardom with a part in the Indian version of the film Goal!. It stars a few of the biggies, Beckham, Zidane, Ronaldinho, etc along with a new kid on the scene - one Conor Dumbrell!

When I say star I do of course mean that Conor dubbed 3 lines of dialogue in his best, plummy English accent for the English subtitles to this Hindi film. He says he enjoyed it - and by God he earned money!As you can imagine I very much want this trend to continue - I have pencilled in an early retirement based on his success as THE top English dubber in the Indian film industry - as they knock out more films here in Mumbai than in Hollywood, I have estimated that by February I will have no more need to troop off to work every morning - keep your fingers crossed for me!

Having sunned herself in an island paradise, Karen is finding the coffee morning circuit most tiring, and the fluffing of all these American millionairesses a real pain the *ss. However, I have eased her burden by managing to convince the BBC Iplayer website that we are in fact in the UK, and that we can in fact download old BCC stalwarts like Easties, Spooks and Raven: The Secret Temple. Any of you colonials that want to know how - just drop me a line and we can discuss more privately.

I will fleetingly mention the debacle occuring at Spurs right now. I thought chubby, cheery Martin Jolly was at least a straight talking man. He was dumped on and I am not proud. However, we have ended up with a top class manager who must have been promised considerable funds to recover the playing fortunes of this otherwise gargantuan club. Let the purchasing begin!I predict a Top 6 finish and a Cup final appearance - not sure which one but one at least.

For the rest of this year, Mumbai falls into a melee of festival celebrations that takes the pain out of having to turn up for work. Diwali - the Hindu equivalent of Christmas http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diwali - has kicked in already but doesn't actually happen until 10/11. We then have Thanksgiving, and then the build up to Christmas - although only 3% of India's population is Christian the lights for Diwali stay up for Christmas and the paartaying continues through November and December for all the Indians - Christian or Hindu - one of the real benefits of globalisation!

We have agreed to stay in Mumbai until the end of June 2008 which fits very well with Conor's school year. Staying on means that we get to come home to good ol' Blighty this year to deck the halls with boughs of holly. Will be in the UK for 23rd December and we fly out of Heathrow on 12 January. We have lots to do but Chris has yet to organise a Jolly Boys trip to somewhere grim up North, or at worst somewhere serving Guiness down South - can't wait to see where we end up.

With more time in Mumbai, we want to extend an invitation to any of you of want to come visit, or want to come re-visit. Karen wants to take you along to some coffee mornings.

Namaste

Dumbers

Dumbrell In A Quandary

I find September a difficult month as I move into my midlife. My birthday is slap in the middle of September, so the month reminds that the sands of time are slipping through my fingers and that as each year passes I have fewer chances to watch England win the Rugby World Cup.

I have the belief in the back of my mind that given a fair wind I may last until I am 80 - at least, functioning until I am 80. That gives me another 10 Rugby World Cups to watch England get slaughtered by a bunch of ex-British Empire subjects; 10 more opportunities to watch us struggle against a rugby team made up of ALL the inhabitants of a South Sea island; 10 more opportunities to be laughed at by the offspring of our Victorian kerchief-snatchers and sheep-stealers.....

Still, at least I'm not a Chelsea fan, they are in for 100 years of woe!

It is Ganpati here in Mumbai - it involves the worship and eventual immersion of clay figurines representing an elephant headed God, son of the Lord Shiva - greatest of all Hindu deities. This worship will in some way bring the masses power, money, and good luck. It also represents the opportunity to paartay for 10 days, have a few days off work, and slope off to Goa to soak up some sun. Although India is an intensely spiritual place, Indians are also highly practical people and a few days off work is a highly desirable release from worldy pursuits! To avoid the accusation of sarcasm, I must say very hastily that to watch thousands of people 'immerse' their deities in the ocean is an immensely spiritual thing - the power of religion continues to baffle me.

Cricket is another Indian religious deity, and by jove, do they know how to celebrate a win over Pakistan. My eardrums have yet to recover from the final over when about a thousand Mumbaikars screamed at the canteen television with a ferocity that I have not personally experienced since I last forgot to do the washing-up. A wall of sound with seemingly infinite depth, strong enough to frighten you into the kitchen.

Talking of Karen, she-that-must-be-obeyed has been very busy introducing the new influx of ex-pat ladies to Mumbai's finer spots. The new school year has brought a wave of new newbies for both Karen and Conor to play with. Karen generally plays with the earnest Americans, who want to do yoga and visit charities, and Conor appears to be happy to play with anybody that has a Nintendo DS (with Bluetooth of course).

Conor is on the school swim team now, with 3 training sessions a week, the poor boy can hardly squeeze in his yoga classes. Life is good at the American school - best years of your life for sure. I have completed full investigations on Mrs Pascolini and it transpires her husband teaches in the classroom next door. He isn't from The Bronx so she managed to get out of Cosa Nostra when she could.... good on her.

As for me, I have finally got my visa to allow me to get out of the country so we are all off to Dubai this weekend for some retail therapy and some skiing. We are also due home for a couple weeks from December 22nd and really want to catch up with as many of you as possible for a biscuit and a Bovril... we will make plans with you nearer the time.

Anyway, hope you like the fangly new 'blog' thing - hope you corporate bods can read it through your corporate firewalls... I deliberately called Aussies, sheep-stealers when we all know what I meant.

See you soon.

Dumbers

PS The quandary is that Barclays have offered us another 6 months in Mumbai to take us to end of June 2008. We booked our flights home in December and within 24 hours I had an offer - oh how the Machievellian ways of the world continue to give me wind.